You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
