It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
