thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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