Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
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You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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