So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
