What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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