Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
