Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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