My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
