i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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