alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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