i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the day after is always just damage control
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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