I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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