i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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