I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
