How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize