Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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