I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
