he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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