my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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