i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
