i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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