so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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