she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
