$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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