Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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