There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
