I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
