I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
