ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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