I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
