Apparently you make a good broom.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
