so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
