I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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