Have you finally orgasmed yet?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
from now on my penis is your penis
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
