Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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