Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
