Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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