So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
