Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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