I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
