only you would photoshop your dick
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
