He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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