When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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