its not stalking. its research.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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