I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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