to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
