ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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