Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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