Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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