I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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