i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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