Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
