When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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