There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
