Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
