i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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