the condom got lost in my hair
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
