why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
