sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What a dumb baby whore.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
