ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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