I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
