Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
