how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
