She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
