Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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