Non-Jews are for practice
Welp...herpes.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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